The past two weeks

have sucked major ass hole!!!!!! Fi's mom went into the hospital on the 13. She was throwing up blood and they found a tear in her esophagus and a blood clot in her stomach. A few days later they found a huge varicose vein in her stomach, no bueno. I feel soo sorry for her. She's supposed to get released today to go home. She had a procedure yesterday where they put a shunt in to bypass the flow of blood to the varicose vein so that it will go down in size. I hope to god it works.

I've just super stressesd about that, and worrying about FI and how he's handling all of it. He doesn't talk about it and when I ask him he doesn't want to talk about it. So I just leave him be. I just think it's better to discuss it if something is bothering you, but apparently not him on this subject. ANy other thing, he'll tlak about but not this. One thing that worries me about him is that he doesn't tell his mom he loves her. She'll say it to the both us and I'll say it back, but he doesn't. I know he does, but I guess he's just not one to say it to his family. He says it to me all the time which I love,but I dont' know why it's soo hard for him to say it to them?? And I don't know if this is something that should bother or if it's something I should confront him about. He doesn't even give them hugs or anything he never has. His grandma told me he's been like that since he was little. I don't know why.

The wedding stuff is getting to me. I'm not doing boudoir pictures anymore which I'm really sad about. I just don't have that kind of money to spend when we need it for other stuff. Like rehearsal dinner, caterer, decorations, gifts for people, favors, invites, things like that. PLUS finding a place for us to live!!! UGGH a nightmare!!! I think we are just going to get an apartment in baytown and be done with it. Rent is sky high, but what can you do?? I woudl rather have a rent house, but they are sky high as well too. It friggin sux. THis economy sux, no one can buy houses so they have to rent which in turn allows the rentee's to put whatever type of pricetag they want to on the rental property!!! It's stupid and dumb.

FI and I did drive out to Liberty this past weekend, and we totally want to move there. It's the cutest little town that actually has a main street that surrounds the court house and then it also has the most adorbale homes ever!!!!! That's exactly what we want too!! it'll make my commute longer, but I don't care, i already drive 40 miles there and back, whats an extra 20?? Maybe by the time we move out there, I'll be working somewhere else anyways, who knows.

I'm sad I haven't barely been able to read any of my book I started a while back. I'm probably gonig to have to start over from the beginning so I can remember everything that I've already read.

I want to start on my DIY projects now. I want to get them finished and just be done with them. I think the reason I keep putting them off is because I keep thinking "oh i have time" blah blah whatever, stop procrastinating DAVIS AND JUST DO IT!!!! =) I'm a horrible procastinator, but God help me, I get my stuff done, even if it is last minute. but I don't want to be like that for the wedding. I want to have everything done so that I can enjoy it and not be stressed out about having to hurry and get stuff done!!!

I've got to get my happy butt back into a workout routine. I totally blame IKE for messing it up. I was doing sooo good!! Jogging like 3-4 times a week!!! I had even gotten up to 4.2 miles!!!! And FI was noticing and thats a HUGE plus to me!!! I have got to get back on it!! and it sux!! i'm stressing about how my dress may not fit, I am considering getting a corset put in the back so it'll be like that instead of zipped up. Maybe that iwll also help with the back fat issue too!! =)

Ok, i'm done =)

Diets, Diets, Diets

Soooo in order to look absolutely FAB for the wedding, I of course am trying to lose weight. UGGH this seems like a life long on going dilemma with me. When I was little I remember my mom always obsessing about my weight. Diabetes ran on her side of the family and of course she was worried about me. I wasn't the fat kid in the class or anything, but with her worrying about it of course always made me worry about it, and therefore ultimately I felt like the fat kid in the class. My mom would have her moments, like telling me to go weigh myself after I had just eaten supper, and me screaming my head off about how it wasn't fair that she would make me do that, to the moments when she told me that she was embarassed when her friends asked me what size clothes I wore.

Needless to say, worrying about my weight, seems to be neverending thing. Last spring (2007) I lost 40 lbs with my works Biggest Loser contest. I was sooo excited!!! I hadn't lost that much weight ever and to do it in 4 months was HUGE for me!!! I felt sooo good about myself and had soo much confidence!!! I have been able to maintain that weight loss (well maybe just plus a few pounds) but for the most part I have, but I am still not at my goal weight. I would love to be at my goal weight for the wedding, but I don't know if that's possible. Well NO it IS possible, but I've gotta make lots of changes.

My motivating factors are:

* My boudoir picture session I'm having in December, I have to have to have lose weight for these, I don't want to be bulging out places, that's not cute!

* So I'll be able to fit into my dress!!! When I bought my dress it fit perfect, and didn't need any kind of alterations at all, and I don't even need to wear a bra or corset or anythign to hold me in, its just perfect. The only thing is that the material bunchs just a little on the bodice and that bothers me and I want it to be flat.

* For my own confidence and self esteem, and to show my FI that he is marrying a strong, sexy woman!

* I want my FI to be able to carry me across the threshold. I'm a traditional bride for the most part, and this is something that I've been dreaming about since I can remember, and it would just make me the happiest girl in the world if that could happen. (makes me cry just thinking about it)


OK, so with all of that said I think I'm going to also use this blog as a diet log too. My favorite excercise that works the best for me is jogging. I love jogging. I aspire to run a marathon at some point in my life. Back last spring when I was running alot and I had lost my weight, I was running over 5 miles a day (without stopping) I just love it, and it's a great stress reliever for me too!!

So far this week, I ran 2.6 miles on Monday, 2.8 miles today. I'm hoping to run again tomorrow and then maybe Saturday also, we'll see. I'm trying to limit my calorie intake also. I'm drinking a slim-fast in the morning, then a apple for a snack, then for lunch either another Slim Fast or a lean pocket with some baked Cheetos and then either an apple or yogurt for a snack. For supper I usually just eat whatever my mom cooks (which is usually healthy), or whatever FI and I fix for ourselves or what his family has at their house. I am also TRYING to be better if we go out to eat. I try to eat a salad at mexican food restaraunts (thats our FAV food!) and I try limit myself to only 1 margarita, but my weakness is those damn chips and salsa, it's hard for me to say no to that!!! I may eat some, but I try to watch how much I eat.

Needless to say, daily I will be tracking and keeping record of what I eat and excercise that I get!! Hopefully by writing (or in this case typing) everything out, it will help keep me accountable for my actions!! I've already gotten to the point where I feel horrible if I don't go jog in the morning, soo hopefully that will stay with me and I can get my regimen back up and going!! YAY!!



My motivational pic of the day:





This is WWII Air Crew member Harold Stone of the 418 Squadron for Australia and his new wife "looking for a threshold to carry my bride over." I love this picture.