The past two weeks

have sucked major ass hole!!!!!! Fi's mom went into the hospital on the 13. She was throwing up blood and they found a tear in her esophagus and a blood clot in her stomach. A few days later they found a huge varicose vein in her stomach, no bueno. I feel soo sorry for her. She's supposed to get released today to go home. She had a procedure yesterday where they put a shunt in to bypass the flow of blood to the varicose vein so that it will go down in size. I hope to god it works.

I've just super stressesd about that, and worrying about FI and how he's handling all of it. He doesn't talk about it and when I ask him he doesn't want to talk about it. So I just leave him be. I just think it's better to discuss it if something is bothering you, but apparently not him on this subject. ANy other thing, he'll tlak about but not this. One thing that worries me about him is that he doesn't tell his mom he loves her. She'll say it to the both us and I'll say it back, but he doesn't. I know he does, but I guess he's just not one to say it to his family. He says it to me all the time which I love,but I dont' know why it's soo hard for him to say it to them?? And I don't know if this is something that should bother or if it's something I should confront him about. He doesn't even give them hugs or anything he never has. His grandma told me he's been like that since he was little. I don't know why.

The wedding stuff is getting to me. I'm not doing boudoir pictures anymore which I'm really sad about. I just don't have that kind of money to spend when we need it for other stuff. Like rehearsal dinner, caterer, decorations, gifts for people, favors, invites, things like that. PLUS finding a place for us to live!!! UGGH a nightmare!!! I think we are just going to get an apartment in baytown and be done with it. Rent is sky high, but what can you do?? I woudl rather have a rent house, but they are sky high as well too. It friggin sux. THis economy sux, no one can buy houses so they have to rent which in turn allows the rentee's to put whatever type of pricetag they want to on the rental property!!! It's stupid and dumb.

FI and I did drive out to Liberty this past weekend, and we totally want to move there. It's the cutest little town that actually has a main street that surrounds the court house and then it also has the most adorbale homes ever!!!!! That's exactly what we want too!! it'll make my commute longer, but I don't care, i already drive 40 miles there and back, whats an extra 20?? Maybe by the time we move out there, I'll be working somewhere else anyways, who knows.

I'm sad I haven't barely been able to read any of my book I started a while back. I'm probably gonig to have to start over from the beginning so I can remember everything that I've already read.

I want to start on my DIY projects now. I want to get them finished and just be done with them. I think the reason I keep putting them off is because I keep thinking "oh i have time" blah blah whatever, stop procrastinating DAVIS AND JUST DO IT!!!! =) I'm a horrible procastinator, but God help me, I get my stuff done, even if it is last minute. but I don't want to be like that for the wedding. I want to have everything done so that I can enjoy it and not be stressed out about having to hurry and get stuff done!!!

I've got to get my happy butt back into a workout routine. I totally blame IKE for messing it up. I was doing sooo good!! Jogging like 3-4 times a week!!! I had even gotten up to 4.2 miles!!!! And FI was noticing and thats a HUGE plus to me!!! I have got to get back on it!! and it sux!! i'm stressing about how my dress may not fit, I am considering getting a corset put in the back so it'll be like that instead of zipped up. Maybe that iwll also help with the back fat issue too!! =)

Ok, i'm done =)